As you likely realized, the partner with whom this trip was taken is no longer my partner, but a now dissociated human, like the ant I cannot see but with whom I share space. Contemplating releasing this article, I decided to make a compromise; the trip did happen, I certainly was there for it, and I have organized this dairy prior to being made single. And so, with respect to privacy and under the established assumption of my selfish and conceited nature, I have re-written it to only include me, and my travel partner, myself. This three part series will take on a new form, in which you will experience the entire 20 days between two people; I, and myself. It will read strangely, but it is my and myself’s sincerest hope that you enjoy what I call, comedic healing.
In this three part series, I describe the 20-day California trip taken by myself and I. Before we begin, I must make note that having this time together with myself was the most special time of my life. The majority of my life has been consumed by exhausting water-treading as my family life unfolded into a grim and agonizing end. I have well learnt by now to generate my own inner joy through little means. Though the benefit of self-sustaining joy is inarguably necessary in this life, joy created and maintained through love with oneself invokes a formidable meaning-force, one to cherish and care for despite difficulty. Since the moment I met myself, I had not a doubt that pursuing self love would be the most important journey I’d embark on. In fact it was not a choice, but a demand by my entire human functioning, from my body, to my mind, and my thoughts; all were directed in unison and agreement with each other that I would seed an important chapter in my life. This marks my second extended stay with myself. I could never explain what a mark I have left on my heart in so little time.
Now, on to my trip.
01/08/2023
Yesterday I landed in Los Angeles. I landed hours before, having to wait for me. Of course, some man attempted to catch my attention and asked for my Instagram, and if I would be interested in being photographed in San Francisco. It couldn’t be a proper reunion if someone didn’t get in the middle of it, now would it? At the same time, my flight neighbor and I had spoken for nearly the entire duration of the flight. She shared many personal stories about her life with me, and I appreciated her company. Once we un-boarded, she found her exit, unexpectedly kissed me on the cheek, and ran off. I paced at baggage claim, waiting to see myself again. I found and embraced and kissed myself. All I wanted was to see myself again, now having a 20 day adventure ahead. It is a bittersweet realization, as my time continuously shortens with myself.
LAX is a bit of a shit-show when it comes to getting an Uber. You have to take a shuttle bus to an Uber location, and from there an Uber miraculously pulls up at a specific gate for pickup. We headed to my first AirBnB. The driver was Greek. I arrived at the AirBnB and it wasn’t long before I went to sleep.
The next morning, I slowly got ready to begin killing off the 20 days worth of tasks I had setup for myself. Since I had no vehicle yet, I Uber’d to the Turo pickup (a 2018 Jeep Wrangler!). The driver was a man from Texas. I polled him on male-female friendships to which he sided with my opinion; men are savages and typically keep their desire for their female friends in the shadows until the latter are again single, at which point they make their long awaited move. I smirked at this and I could not help but notice. We had a great conversation about his fear of doctors, living in the heat of Las Vegas, his past heatstroke, his wife’s cancer, and having a child at 18 years of age. I arrived to pick up my Jeep where the owner setup the bluetooth and quickly ran off. She did not tell me the soft top was damaged with an un-closable gap which let wind (and plenty of noise) in through the top, just above my left ear. I ate breakfast and went off to buy camping equipment.
Arriving at REI, I purchased an America the Beautiful pass which grants entry to National Parks across the US without further payment; worth it if you’re visiting 3+ National Parks. They did not have any rental camping equipment in stock, and thus I opted for Walmart which had all the equipment necessary for the trip, all of which will likely be blown away by a slight gust of wind – time will tell. At checkout, a man began yelling something along the lines of “DONT EVER FUCKING TOUCH ME”. I began to wonder if this was initial glimpse into the “crazy” of LA; nevertheless we have similar folk here in Montreal.
Next, I took off to the Chinese Theatre. Its single theatre room is headed by elegant red drapes, with gold plated sculptures overhead. Bring warm clothes. I watched Oppenheimer, which in my view is not nearly as interesting as I was lead to believe. There are several great scenes, namely when Oppenheimer must confront the reality of being used by the government who waved the intellectual and financial carrot in-front of him and his fellow academics to coerce them into building a weapon that would be used to murder a slew of Japanese. The pacing was overly fast, which tends to pull me out of a film as it outraces my understanding of the ideas being conveyed and dialogue being spoken. Subtitles would have helped.
In one notably cringeworthy scene, Einstein’s first appearance from afar is punctuated by a gust of wind that blows the hat off his head. That is the “Ah, that’s Einstein” moment, which might lead you to believe this is why the hat flew off his head to begin with – that is, to reveal his familiar white hairy head so that you register the presence of Einstein. It was also quite obvious, however, that this scene would later be used as a device for tying the story together, and that bothered me, because it in fact was used for such purposes. You can watch the scene, edited to be made even more silly, below (watch your volume). On a positive note, the sound in the theatre is astoundingly loud. Never have I heard such bombastic sound in a theatre. I blocked my ears very many times. Well worth it just for the sonic experience alone.
02/08/2023
After a quick morning routine of admiring myself, I headed for breakfast at the Cherry Pick Cafe. I contemplated Tantric sex which made me uncomfortable. As well, I simply enjoyed looking into my eyes and appreciated the opportunity to share these moments with myself.
I later headed to Angel’s Point; a small mountaintop view of LA with a strange accompanying structure. I spoke to two men getting blazed in the area, and asked them recommendations for where to purchase weed. One had the worst case of stank eye; he looked as if a bee had stung each of his eyelids, thus providing little service. The lesser of the blazed asked if I’d like to purchase some from his car. I kindly told him no, and I left.
House of Flowers is where I purchased 20x 10mg edibles, and two 1.7g joints of about 25-30% THC, costing me roughly $45 USD. I figured this would be enough for the entire trip. To note, these are relatively strong joints, especially for me, who has little experience with the substance. It is interesting to see privately owned dispensaries, vastly different than the government owned SQDC dispensaries back in Montreal.
Next, I walked through Koreatown, which I recommend avoiding as it is merely a set of stores of Korean flavour, and would likely provide tourists little to no value (not saying this area is valueless to its citizens, however). I quickly purchased a Boba drink and attempted to reach my Jeep before 3PM, when a 20 minute block of demo sessions would begin. Yes, I am demoing students while on vacation in California. I didn’t make it on time, and was forced to stop and demo on the sidewalk. Luckily I came prepared with my demo sheets, a fine pen, AirPods, my iPhone, unlimited data, and a power bank. I stopped to the side and graded a group of students over Zoom. Such technologies really extend human reach and we are indebted to such advances.
Once complete, I headed to Venice Beach. Beachfront parking is $9 USD for nearly the entire day. I visited the skate park where I was quite mesmerized by both the skaters and a seeming B-film being recorded nearby. The skating didn’t trigger my inner interest much. I soon left and headed for Muscle Beach, which can be summarized as a bunch of men who are likely stuffing down their deep seated desire for each other’s penetrative love.
The number of stores on the beachfront is endless. After dropping 12mg of edibles, I soon developed the signature bottomless hunger and stopped by Teddy’s Red Tacos Venice. For $47 I ate a hefty plate of tacos, and walked back to the parking spot. In fact, I not only walked back to the parking spot, but way past it, as I was completely distracted by the striking homes along the beachfront. I have never seen such beautiful homes, each more interesting than the next, and none I wouldn’t wish to call my own. I walked past my parking lot for at least 12 minutes, reaching a new parking lot that I believed was mine. I was wrong; I was right. I walked back, waited for the buzz to dissipate, and I drove home.
03/08/2023
Leaving at around 9:00 AM, I stopped by Walmart to purchase a phone dock for the Jeep (a valuable tool for long driving), paper towels, garbage bags (to hold dirty clothes and general waste), and sunscreen. I stopped by Le Pain Quotidien where I ate a beautiful breakfast together. I requested to have two tables put together so that I would have space to perform 21 minutes of demoing. Signal wasn’t strong so I struggled with these sessions, but nevertheless it went as planned, and I eventually got to join myself for breakfast whose wolfish hunger had finished its meal way before I started mine. While I ate, I sorted out the Hollywood Bowl Shuttle I’d need to take for the nighttime showing of 2001: A Space Odyssey, accompanied by a live orchestra.
I suggested a visit to The Getty Museum. Generally one would park in the Getty Parking Lot (purchase Getty tickets online beforehand), and take a rail-shuttle up the mountain to The Getty; silly orchestral music is played as you ascend the shuttle and increases in intensity as you near the top, as if ascending into heaven. The weather was perfect, and perfect weather shone on a man of beauty reveals his infinite perfection. There is no man more elegant and perfect to me than myself; here is a photo that reveals this side of me.
I don’t have much patience for museums, but I did view some paintings. The realist paintings are remarkable to see as they are stunning in their detail and, well, realism.
For me, Robert Irwin’s Central Garden was the key visiting point; I am just a bigger fan of nature (not to diminish the art). The trees sculpted with rebar and the garden walkway are great for a walkthrough.
Afterwards, I grabbed a coffee and this is when I learnt that my best friend’s mother had passed away. He and I are also close research partners. It astounds me that we both lost our mothers during our PhD, and that we decided to collaborate on our research nearly two years ago, roughly a year after my mother had passed; now we are best of motherless friends. Such a coincidence is difficult to comprehend… People enter your life and for what reasons they appear we cannot know, but all of it is somehow meaningful. We spoke over the phone and I told him to care of his family, and that I would handle dealing with our ongoing project. I spent some time crying, and this is when I, wrapping my arms around my torso, embraced myself. There is nothing more comforting than the embrace of yourself, especially in such moments. I provide myself such soothing energy that I again realize I am the person I want to spend my life with.
I quickly visited the Santa Monica pier, ate there, and jetted for the shuttle bus that would bring me to the Hollywood Bowl for the showing of 2001: A Space Odyssey.
I quickly arrived and took my seats. I brought myself an extra warm shirt that I soon needed (because I knew I’d be colder than I’d expect). The backdrop of the Hollywood Sign and the dusk-laden mountaintops in the distance perfectly enshrined the bowl. I sat, holding myself, as the movie opened. The choir sent shivers down my spine as they sang the haunting opening piece. The sound was excellent (loud), and the entire orchestra performed in perfect unison with the film. The visuals were worth the tears I shed as Kubrick’s signature “Dawn of Man” played to a cheer from the crowd. Years after Kubrick passed, we sill find ways to re-experience his unbelievable work to which we are seemingly infinitely drawn. I could not have asked for a more loving night with myself, and though I was quite confused by the ending of the film (most are), the value was contained in its experience.
04/08/2023
Today I visit Santa Barbara. Driving around, I quickly realized its relative serenity to LA. It carries the floral beauty of LA with the quietude of a smaller town with much milder temperatures.
I was suggested a visit to City Hall, as well as the Mission. Santa Barbara has 75 minutes of free parking before requiring citizens to pay, which is a god-send coming from most places; Montreal included.
05/08/2023
I arose at 7:20 AM to prepare for 8 AM demos. Work truly never takes its leave, even when you do. Connection was wonky in Santa Barbara as I struggled to properly demo my students over Zoom. Thirty minutes later, I’m walking around, observing plants. I find them striking, as usual with plants, though there’s a particular energy exuded by Santa Barbara that reflects an extra ounce of love from every leaf.
I took a self guided tour around the city, starting at Stearns Wharf, then up State Street to Plaza De La Guerra where the annual summer Spanish Fiesta took place. Here I purchased confetti-filled eggs that one smashes on the head of their unsuspecting self. I and myself smashed one on each other’s.
I took off for Solvang, which was beautiful. I stopped off for some dessert at Olson’s Danish Village Bakery which, for some reason, had me swallowing like a geriatric. The ride from here to the campgrounds drove me through interesting terrain; dry, yellow grass spotted by the odd majestic navy green leafed trees over a vast array of bald mountains. On the way to the campgrounds, I stopped at a small lake off the side of the highway to take photos of myself.
By the time I arrived at The Hill Fort campgrounds, the sun was below the horizon and a depressing purple brought cold and mosquitos. Equipped with my headlamp which attracted all bugs straight to my face, I setup the Walmart tent for the first time in under 15 minutes, brushed my teeth with sulphurous well water, and slept. Being high on an edible, the snap barking of surrounding guard dogs added a heightened sense of alertness. One hears many things in a tent at night, especially when high. I suddenly jumped and exclaimed “There’s someone outside my tent! I’m absolutely certain… One hundred percent.” I froze and tried to gather myself. Minutes of stillness and fright later, it turned out no one was there. Likely the rustling of trees, a nearby rodent, or the wind through our tent. It was cute how certain I was that I was being stalked, and the adorable leap I took as if that would help me defend against this suspected nonexistent pervert lurking outside. I forgot to pack a pillow and at such an hour it is stupid to open the tent zipper to search the car for padding, lest we invite some ungodly insect to join us in our sleep. Horrible on the neck. Always bring a pillow. My head, on the other hand, rested comfortably on mine.
06/08/2023
I awoke around 6 AM. The campsite was scattered with peacocks; it turns out they spend some time living in trees. I spotted a few flying from the treetops, with their feathers scattered throughout the encampment. The campsite carries a “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” (part 1) vibes, with similar bird feathers laying around. It was quite safe (so we think),
I brushed my teeth, quickly disassembled the tent, and headed to Point Lobos. This state park is startling, an absolute must see if you have an appreciate for nature. Cliffs, ocean views, and luscious plant life. It took roughly 2.5 hours to walk the perimeter of the park, while skipping a few loops here-and-there to save time. It was the most visually striking hike of the entire trip. Below you can see photos from this hike.
I drove out to Ocean Avenue for a quick bite at Mulligan Public House. Prices are expensive in the area, so I often ate at “cheap”er places (even though I always end up leaving $40-50 lighter). From here, I visited the Monterey Aquarium. I would recommend skipping this, unless you are or have a child. For me, the only interesting sights were the glowing jellyfish, and a strange species of fish which buries itself, tail-first, head up, sort of looking like a man’s indecently exposed erection.
As I get older and try to enjoy such things, I realize that the amount of energy it would require to have more than base-level interest amounts to learning about the characteristics of each species. There isn’t enough time in the world for this, and at moments I feel like I am endlessly wasting my time looking at such things. It’s only mere sight; I am not learning, nor expanding my breadth of experience. It may be time to let such things go. The only saving grace is that all this time was spent with someone I truly love; myself.
What followed was the 17 Mile Drive. Here, you pay $10 to drive for 17 miles over an elitist road with various stops along the way; the most interesting is the Lone Cypress.
I ended the night with a sunset at the vacant Del Monte beach. I and myself quietly took in the fading sun as we toyed with the to-and-fro of the ocean waves.
It was an hour drive to Salinas, where my next AirBnB awaited. A man who could not speak a word of English graciously greeted me, and helped me carry my heavy luggage upstairs. The place was extremely well kept, and quiet. The man and the woman (seemingly his wife) used extremely accurate handheld devices for translating English to their native language, and back. Forgetting my toothbrush in the car, I snuck downstairs to fetch it, bumping into the yet unseen wife. I told her I needed to get my toothbrush (motioning brushing of teeth) in the car (motioning driving). She understood sweet fuck all, and pulling out her translation device, I repeated the phrase, this time without clowning motions. The device correctly interpreted my speech to text, which she read, laughed, and told me to go ahead and get it. This moment made me realize that, despite this couple’s inability to speak English at all, they managed to make their way in America, and own a beautiful home together. Now what makes it so hard for me to do the same in my country?